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Living with an eating disorder

Anorexia isn’t glamourise… Anorexia just doesn’t go away… Anorexia ruins lives and tears families apart… Yes, you get skinny, scary skinny, all your bones can be seen, your limbs are like sticks, you have the thigh gap, everyone wants to know your secret to becoming skinny. But, you still think you’re fat. You just need to lose 10 more kgs then you will be happy. But that isn’t enough, you have to lose another 10kg because you are still fat and disgusting. Nothing will ever be enough to please the voice of ana. You could lose all the weight in the world and never feel thin enough. Everyone thinks getting skinny doesn’t come with side effects, sure it’s easy, the secret is just starve and still exercise. But what they don’t know is what comes with it, passing out a lot, always tired, shaking, always cold, thinning hair, brittle nails, bad skin, forgetfulness and the knotting you feel in your legs because your muscle is being eaten away. But it is all still glamourise, right? Anything to be skinny?

The voice of ana controls you, defines you, you slowly morph into being the voice. It is scary, yet is addicting. Starvation is addictive, you want to get skinnier, you like the results. Exercise is addictive„ it burns calories and fat. Counting calories is great. You have never felt more in control in your entire life. Nothing is ever enough to please the voice, it is pushing you because it convinces you it wants what is best for you. It makes you strong, you love it. It is your best friend, you love her even though she abuses the crap out of you. You will do anything to please ana because you love her so much, after all she has your best interests at heart and will help you get skinny. She makes you cry when you look in the mirror because she makes you see how fat and ugly you are. She will make you want to look like others. She will make you feel worthless and reduce you to tears, but you still love her. You can’t imagine life without her. Your little helper. She slowly gets you more and more hooked into the eating disorder each day, eventually making you turn to vomiting too, which will ruin your teeth and stomach lining. You get so desperate you will do anything to lose those calories.

Ana also ruins your family, tearing it apart. They are so scared for you. They are exhausted as they have to watch you 24/7 and force you to eat the meals. You almost become a toddler again, not trusted to go to the bathroom alone, can’t make any decisions, your meals have to be dished up, you get no choice and you can’t leave the table until you finish. Then come the raging arguments as ana takes over you and turns you against your family as it convinces you they hate you and are trying to make you fat. But then, your family is always tired, mum and dad will fight, maybe break up and your little sister will shut herself in her room and block everyone out of her world. You trust no one.

But, eating disorders are all for attention, right? Wrong. You would do anything to hide this dirty little secret from your loved ones because you think you’re fine and they won’t even believe you have an eating disorder, you are too fat. You don’t need their help or worry. You don’t want anyone to know.

But, anything to be skinny, right? :/

handchuffed:

#Finnick Odair is that like that one character in every anime who always appears with sparkles round his face #and who flirts with all the blushing girls and makes them go ‘eeehhhhh!’ #and you think he’s just a sexy comic relief character #until suddenly one episode it’s like BAM BACKSTORY #and it turns out he was forced to murder for entertainment #and his family was killed horribly #and he can never be with the woman he loves #and he’s being forced to have sex with half the Capitol #and that’s why he acts all provocative all the time #and suddenly the sparkles are gone and you stare at this character with tears streaming down your face #and you whisper ‘Finnick-sama’ as the wind tosses the tendrils of your hair.

(Source: harmoniousowl)

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